Because I wrote it down

I love journaling. I got my first journal when I was baptized at 8 years old. I didn't always write and even have year long spaces between entries. But at some point during my youth years, I began to write more regularly and I became more passionate about it. I once heard a quote by/about Wilford Woodruff who was an incredible journal writer, that he had a whole wall in his office devoted to his journals and genealogies. I went home and looked at my wall. That's a lot of journals, I thought. Reflecting on this tonight, I pulled out my journals and snapped a picture.

My journals from 1994-present. The large binder is 1/2 filled with journaling & 1/2 scrapbook material 

I have gained a tremendous testimony of the blessings of journal writing and for some reason care to share some of those thoughts here.

My journal has been an answer to my prayers

How about a story. When I was 15 I was at a cabin with my family and some friends. I began to feel envious and dislike towards one of these peers of mine, and was incredibly troubled by it. I went into my bedroom, closed the door and prayed that I could feel love for her. (Yes, I know...I sound "perfect" don't I?). Anyway, this was really a powerful moment for me to learn how the Spirit speaks to me. I heard vividly in my mind as I prayed for her, "First, you need to learn to love yourself." *Silence* Then the Spirit broke the silence once more, "Now, go write that down."

So I did. That prompting came loud and clear. I even closed my entry with something like, "....and I don't know why I'm writing it down, except the Spirit told me to so....there you go."

Years later at college, I was struggling with something and a particular date came to my mind. Somehow I connected that I needed to look up that date in my journal, and I reread of my experience at the cabin. It was exactly the answer that I needed at that time in my life, and I thought for sure that *that* was the reason for writing it down.

Of course, now that message is coming loud and clear to me all over again. With recovery, I catch myself in self-loathing cycles, with an underlying false belief that I am unworthy of love, even that of loving myself. I keep trying to exert energy into completely loving other people, when I feel the Lord is still saying "First, you need to learn to love yourself." And perhaps that's because, once I do, I'll be able to love others even more.

Journal writing has helped me see blessings I otherwise wouldn't have noticed

Sometime last year I was particularly lonely and wrote, almost in a prayer-like fashion, "God, I wish You could just give me a hug right now. Like a *real* hug. I just want a hug!"

Just a couple of days later, I was at the office of my bishop for our regular meeting. That day when he opened his office door, he opened his arms and embraced me in a hug (not the usual handshake). I was surprised by it and also appreciated it. That evening when I went to journal what we had talked about, I happened to reread my last entry. I couldn't believe it--I had completely forgotten about that plea for a hug just days prior!!! Heavenly Father had answered that prayer through my Bishop and I would not have even realized it if I had not written it down!

It's a place to authentically thank my Heavenly Father for blessings

I make a conscious effort to record answered prayers, inspiration, and personal revelation as an acknowledgement to my Heavenly Father that I hear Him and am thankful for Him. It's a good reminder to me that He does speak to me personally. 

It eliminates doubt

Sometimes, for one reason or another, I begin to doubt the gospel. I also begin to doubt certain experiences really happened in my life. But because I wrote them down I can go back and reference them. One sacred experience occurred as a 12-year-old. It is an absolute root to my testimony. When I do find myself doubting, I frequently reread that journal entry. My 12-year-old self would not have lied and fabricated these stories or borne a false testimony. I had no reason to. In fact, I don't think my 12-year-old self truly realized how powerful of an experience my experience truly was! My doubt is eliminated, and transformed into faith.

It's therapeutic

I used to imagine my journal being read by hundreds of kids and grandkids that were to follow after me (maybe I need to get around to having more than 1 kid...). Anyway, as a result I didn't want to overwhelm my journal with too many of my sins. I want to be perceived in a positive light. It is the reason I ripped out the page where I admitted the first time I looked at pornography.

But just recently I decided that it's fine and wonderful if my grandkids decide to read about my life. But I need to be honest in my journal for my own sake. I was having a hard time owning my addiction, until the minute I owned it in the pages of my very own personal journal. Since then, my writing has become more clear & direct. I write my emotions as they really are and don't sugarcoat my feelings. It's an incredible tool to help me sort things out.

There we go--it looks like I have the material for my next talk in Sacrament Meeting whenever that happens to be. :) I hope something inspires you to write in your journal tonight, if you don't do so already. I know it will be a huge blessing for you. I know it!

"It is not only the dramatic and colorful events that are worth recording. It is also valuable to know the daily round of activities, the hard physical labor that occupied most of the time of our ancestors, the hardships and discouragements. Besides, there are many incidents of daily life that are easily forgotten. Those who record them preserve precious moments that can later be cherished, relived as it were, by members of the family. Moments of humor, family incidents, sickness, prayer, conversations, visits--such is the stuff of diaries that become rich veins of delight and inspiration and information."