I have categorized my life into three bubbles:
1) my recovery bubble--aka cultivating Wholehearted Me
2) my marriage bubble
3) everything else and all the relationship entailed therein
I feel like giving energy to one bubble means lack of energy and attention in another. It's a juggling act. Anxiety comes when I feel like I am investing too much time in the Me bubble.
Yes, I've heard it over and over-- you need to take care of yourself! Once you take care of yourself and are a more wholehearted individual the other areas will improve. I can believe that. The problem is I don't think the Marriage bubble has the stamina to last until the Me bubble is better. And with every hour I spend in the Me bubble, the Marriage bubble actually seems more difficult to manage.
This doesn't make sense. My brain is rattling. I am having a hard time doing the hard things. I want to run away.
I hear you, iheartseattle! My wife resents the time I take from her to work on recovery. I know though, that without recovery, my marriage is doomed anyway, so I'm going with recovery as the #1 priority. At times, I do have to rearrange schedules and make concessions. I hope and pray that you two are able to find your bliss! I can identify with that running away fantasy too, though.
ReplyDeleteRemember that focusing on recovery is focusing on the Savior. The Savior will heal you. If both you and your hubby focus on the Savior,over time you will grow closer together as you grow closer to Him.
ReplyDeleteThat said, sometimes it just sucks trying to figure things out. Sorry you're feeling torn!