A lesson on over sharing

I keep thinking I need to delete my blog. Like--put whatever energy I'm putting into it into something  else instead. Just a random intro thought...

If you've been following my last couple of posts, then this will make more sense. I reached out to my therapist last night and we had a phone session today which was the best. So much honesty and clarity. I am pro therapy-no joke! No matter how much I study addiction and try to learn about it, when I'm in my cycle I'm certain I've got blinders up. I need people on the outside to snap me out of it!

I told her about sharing my most recent trigger with my husband. Luckily I have a friend (WoPA) who taught me that I've had time to process thru what I have and that when I expose something, it's brand new to my spouse and I need to now give him the time (maybe weeks) to process what I've shared. 

Well, I didn't do so hot at giving him much time. And I also wasn't sure I shared in "the best way", but I shared. I tried. I knew I had to do it, and so I'm reminding myself my intentions were good.

But my therapist confirmed that I may have overshared, indeed. And that I probably really triggered my husband. She affirmed that it will be okay on both ends, just that I need to let him process it and be respectful of it. She also affirmed to me that my attempt to share in the best and most honest way proves I am fighting for recovery.

"So how do I share next time," I asked? I don't want to use the excuse that I might over share, to not share at all! That's what the addict wants me to do! Her tips, at least in this particular circumstance were:

1) Share that you are feeling triggered
2) Share that you are reaching out because you want to break the cycle
3) Then share what action steps you are taking (who you're reaching out to, accountability partners and dailies). 

My husband will likely still feel triggered, and may ask for more details but at least he will be asking because he feels ready to handle more information. She also talked about the spouse (in her experience) often struggles with upset and anxious feelings, but strangely it is typically followed up with a sense of relief and safety knowing their spouse didn't keep it a secret.

I really liked that. And hope its true. I'm calming down. I'm coming clean. I'll be continuing to make some more action steps tomorrow and likely making phone calls the rest of the week. I am not through this cycle yet. I will not boast. One day at a time...