Whenever I don't have the spirit and become so self-consumed and wrapped up in harmful behaviors, my entire world and perspective crumbles and I come to believe that I don't want or deserve peace anymore.I am looking at the world through addict eyes right now. I don't want to let it go. I know you understand this. The addict presents a carefree life, instant gratification, lack of responsibility, and escape. Yes, please, take me with you.But, oh wait, we've been through this before...1000x! It never ends positively. My husband will find out when I come to my senses and confess. I will not escape anything! I'll just have a bigger mess to clean up. I like being responsible. Instant gratification doesn't help me become a patient, selfless person. I don't *really* want what you have to offer. ADDICT ME, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! I hate you.
Oh man, i FEEEEEL for you. The pull, the seduction of the addiction... it is sooo hard. It can be SOOO strong. But after the instant gratification there really is nothing but a mess, and terrible feelings. But you are stronger. And with the Lord you can do all things! I'm rooting for you Seattle.
ReplyDeleteI'm going through the same thing today. Hang in there
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